Do you live in a happy, healthy relationship?
Lucky you! The majority of us probably have arranged ourselves with our
situation in cultures where we blindly follow our emotions or in cultures where
the needs and the status of the family is a more important factor.
A word we do no use too often in western societies is the
responsibility. My father was responsible enough to marry my mother after they
found out that she was pregnant. But my father himself was an orphan and the role
models in his life … I never asked him and now he is gone.
You probably have enough common knowledge that out parents are our main
role models. In a way this is know in the bible:!...I am
a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third
and fourth generation…" Often we look like our grandparents and
behave like out parents - they are our role models.
Can I ask
you? Did your parents sit down with you and explain how love works? If you were
lucky you got a sexual education and you were told. "You do it when you
love somebody". But you were not told how to love somebody. Maybe I am
unjust. It is not so long ago that even in Germany marriages are arranged and
in areas with a low density of population you take what you get better what is
available. Some times when I drive through remote areas in the Philippines or
in Africa and I see young girls playing along the roads I pity them for their
limited options in education and in finding a suitable mate. I know where ever
you are you can "Make Love Work". And if the area is not densely
populated the temptation after marriage is not as demanding as in a big city or
even in a squatter area. For us westerners - as the Chinese like to call us -
love is the central theme in our lives. And often it does not stop when we get
married but resurfaces after some years when we have paid the mortgage and the
kids start to have their own families. And despite the fact that we can look
back to 20 or more years of conscious living and a few years of conscious loving
we know for us what worked and what did not. But most of us do not feel
competent to hand a guideline to our children.
Should you
not change that? If you are young you should learn how to operate or at least
drive your love life and not be driven by it. And if you are in the second half
of your live, it is never too late to learn or at least to understand what
happened. Here is the link: Make
Love Work by Eugen Grathwohl
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